Why Your Success Threatens Their Ego
You've done everything right. You've prepared, proven yourself, and consistently exceeded expectations. But in some corporate environments, especially for women, it's not always about how good you are at your job. It's about how your success makes others feel.
The Invisible Glass Ceiling
There are moments in a woman's career where you question everything. You've worked hard, you've proven your value, yet a sense of frustration keeps holding you back. This isn't just a career hurdle; it's a pattern, and it’s one many of us have faced. I’m here to tell you what I learned in therapy after two back-to-back experiences left me questioning everything: the problem isn’t you. It’s the fragile male ego.
In my most recent role, I was hired to build a business development team from the ground up. I was upfront with the leadership team that to succeed, I needed to learn the company's inner workings. Everyone agreed, and for a while, it felt like a perfect fit. I was even told so.
The turning point came when I asked a simple question the office manager couldn’t answer. In that moment, the entire office dynamic shifted. A day later, I was fired with no real explanation, just the corporate-speak, "We're going in a different direction." The truth, I later found out, was that my curiosity and competence were seen as a threat.
The Unspoken Cost of Success
This wasn't an isolated incident. In a previous role, I was promoted to a management position after proving my worth for six months. When I began suggesting changes to improve our team, my director took it as a personal challenge. He refused to give me a salary and cut my overtime, a direct form of punishment.
When I confronted the CEO, my director sat there while the CEO compared my professional work to "reorganizing my kitchen" and told me I'd "never make it." The gaslighting continued, with my director consistently complaining my emails were "rude," even after I used a formalizer to ensure every message was polite. It culminated in him telling me after a hospital stay that I was "getting sick because you keep challenging my authority." All I had done was ask for training on a project he assigned me—a project he didn't know how to do himself.
Your Success Is Your Power
These experiences led me to a dark place of self-doubt. I questioned if I was too ambitious or if I was the problem. But in therapy, I came to a powerful realization: it's a pattern. My ambition and competence weren't a flaw; they were a mirror reflecting the insecurity of those around me.
If you're facing a similar situation, remember this: your success is a force for good. Don’t diminish your light to make someone else feel more comfortable. It’s time to find your community and build your own table.
I found my tribe by joining an organization for women in my industry. It has been a life-changing experience, providing me with a powerful network of women who champion each other. I even found a mentor who truly understands my journey.
If you are dealing with a toxic workplace, hear this: You are not crazy. Find your tribe, surround yourself with people who celebrate you, and if you can't find a place that supports you, create one. Be the change we women need.
Now It's Your Turn
We rise by lifting others. Share your story or a piece of advice in the comments below. Let's build a supportive community for women in the workplace.
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